Admit it You're Mid
BY EDDY ZHAO '25 & AUSTIN KIM '25
HAPPY NEW SCHOOL YEAR! We hope that your summer was filled with fun days at the beach and comically large ice cream cones from West Side even though you ordered a mini. Unfortunately, summer is gone, and so is your happiness. It's important to start a new academic year with the right mindset, so this year, please remember that, respectfully, you are mid.
What exactly is mid? As defined by Urban Dictionary (the most accurate dictionary, of course), mid is “used to insult or degrade an opposing opinion, labeling it as average or poor quality.” This is still too nuanced for our taste, so we’ll drop the average and go straight to calling everything mid outright terrible. Remember, kids, second place is just the first loser. In essence, mediocrity is the same as inferiority.
Using confusing statistics that we spent three minutes researching on Wikipedia, we can scientifically prove your mid-ness! About 117 billion people have ever lived on Earth, and, at most, only 0.00001% of the current world population, or 800 people, know who you are. If the other 7,966,657,602 people don’t, then how could you not be average in their minds? Only influential people leave long-lasting legacies, but long-lasting is not forever. Nobody’s going to remember you having 300,000 TikTok followers, or getting an A on that English paper, or even writing this article for The Spectrum. You might be thinking, “What about the world’s most significant people ever, like Shakespare, Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson?” Well… they’re dead, and all we know about them are their greatest accomplishments. Either way, the universe will end one way or another, so nothing lasts forever. If you take all that in, you can realize something truly powerful: everyone else is as mid as you are, so why beat yourself up over it? In the grand scheme of things, everything you do will be mid, but you don’t have to worry about failure because it won’t matter either way.
In summary, life is meaningless, and there will always be something or someone better than you. Therefore, you, me, this article, and everything else in the world are all mid. The only thing avoiding mid-ness in this world, though, are the size of the ice cream cones from West Side. Those things are actually massive.