Red Delicious Romance

BY ALICIA GU '23

Hello readers! Congrats on making it through the first quarter of the school year. Hopefully you did not procrastinate as much as I did on this Love Doc article. Anyways, as the weather gets colder and Mariah Carey starts defrosting, I wish you all a hot and steamy romance to keep you warm and many festive fall/winter dates with that special somebody! 

I’m in a healthy, committed relationship, but I want to relate to Taylor Swift songs. Do I dump them?

This is a tough situation. I ask you to really consider your priorities: would you choose some nobody over our ~bejeweled~ queen? Relationships come and go, but the Eras Tour is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to scream the devastating, glorious piece of art that is “All Too Well (10 minute version)”. Of course, Taylor does have beautiful love songs (thanks Joe!), but if you’re really looking for that break-up-Taylor experience, I’d recommend that you communicate with your partner to orchestrate a tragic break up. Maybe they would be willing to temporarily dump you over the phone while “Mr. Perfectly Fine” plays in the background. 

My partner has really cold hands. Like, everytime I hold their hand, it feels like I’m grabbing a hand-shaped ice sculpture. As someone who strives to maintain a healthy body temperature, how do I cope with this?

I was tempted to say that maybe their hands are cold because you are not holding them enough, but that is corny AF! Get them gloves, bring hand-warmers, and make them some soup. If that doesn’t work, try holding other body parts such as their elbow, kneecap, or neck. 

How early is too early to start watching cheesy Hallmark movies???

A classic late-autumn conundrum. The real answer is that those movies are garbage, do not watch them. However, because I respect our differences, I would say wait until at least two weeks into December… be reasonable please folks!

I’m single as heck while all my friends are participating in cuffing season. What do I do?

Well, it seems like that’s a you problem. Just kidding. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, especially when it comes to romantic endeavors. Everyone goes at their own pace, and fo’ real: you’ll find who you’re meant to be with at the right moment in your life. And even if you can’t find a partner for the fall/winter, you can always hit up a few friends, put on a pair of skates, and have fun! Who knows, maybe your would-be partner can’t crack an egg, and if you found that out while in the midst of baking cookies, that’d sour the mood pretty quickly. You dodged a bullet. 


Whether you’re celebrating love, chronic single-ness, or an upcoming holiday, take advantage of the many hand-holding, cookie-baking, trashy-movie-watching opportunities that the season has to offer; and regardless of your relationship status, there will always be a Taylor Swift song to listen to. 

Merry November everybody, stay warm out there~
Dr. Gu, PhD in VPLA (Very Professional Love Advice)