What Pet Should You Get?

BY TINGHAN WANG '24 

1. Let’s start off with a classic: favorite season? 
   1. Summer 
   2. Spring 
   3. Fall 
   4. Winter 
   5. What fall? I only know autumn. 
2. Which word speaks to your soul? Or, you know, which one do you like the best?
   1. Mobbles 
   2. Cherry blossoms
   3. Cozily
   4. Glistening 
   5. “Cherry blossoms” is two words. 
3. Potatoes are a universal food. In your opinion, what’s the best way to eat a potato? 
   1. French fries 
   2. Potato salad 
   3. Traditionally baked 
   4. Mashed 
   5. With ketchup
4. We’re jumping all over the place here so you can’t rig your results! Preferred weather? 
   1. Sunny days around 60 degrees F 
   2. When it rains and there are puddles everywhere 
   3. I don’t care because I’m always indoors 
   4. When it’s so cold you have to burrow deep deep deep into fleece blankets 
   5. I CALL THE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING! Hurricanes rise at my command!
5. No quiz is complete without a question about dessert: what’s your favorite? 
   1. Ice cream 
   2. Fruit 
   3. Caramel apple pie 
   4. Gooey brownies 
   5. Candy. Or sugar by the spoonful. 
6. RBF, IYKYK? What expression do you find yourself wearing the most? 
   1. Happy smile 
   2. Peaceful “listening” face 
   3. Skepticism 
   4. Thoughtful frown 
   5. Sticking out tongue 
7. This quiz is all out of order, so it’s after dessert that we ask: what’s the most important meal of the day? 
   1. Lunch
   2. Breakfast 
   3. Snacks 
   4. Dinner 
   5. Sugar
8. Here’s a softball: color preferences? 
   1. Bold, bright neon.
   2. Pastels 
   3. Muted warm tones 
   4. Monochromatic 
   5. Glitter is a color 
9. Obviously, taking this quiz is your life priority, but if you weren’t doing this, what would you rather be doing?
   1. Some sort of social or outdoor activity
   2. Teatime or a quiet stroll in the gardens 
   3. Reading a book 
   4. Meditating or pondering deep philosophical dilemmas 
   5. Extreme sports 
10. We’re all human here, and very imperfect. What we’d rather be doing oftentimes is pushed away...so what are you usually doing? 
    1. Reorganizing my desk for the 10th time 
    2. Sleeping 
    3. Daydreaming 
    4. Crying 
    5. Eating 

Time to tally up your results! And remember, this quiz is just for fun-sies, so don’t be too disappointed when you don’t get magical man-eating birds from the Caribbean. 

If you got mostly A’s: you should get a dog! You have a bright, vibrant personality, and you love to have fun. Not only does the sun invigorate you; you’re an extrovert through and through, and what more social creature exists than man’s best friend? From a Great Dane to a poodle, enthusiastic puppers would love to go on 5 a.m. runs with you. The athleticism! The drive! The motivation! The...dandelion on the side of the road...? A dog would fit right into your busy life and keep you on your toes. 

If you got mostly B’s, you should get a bunny! You’re a quieter person who charms your way to everyone’s hearts. The peaceful mornings and twilight probably draw you in as a person connected to nature, and you’ll definitely appreciate—if seen from a distance—its wild, stormy power. You’re probably the one friends turn to when they need a listening ear and soft head pats. What better companion to watch the rain with as their little twitchy nose soothes whatever woes you carry with you? 

If you got mostly C’s, you should get a cat. You’re the queen of sarcasm. We peasants must bow before Your Royal Majesty, who drinks tea with their pinkies up and reads Edgar Allan Poe on dark nights in front of a crackling fireplace, despite the leaves just starting to turn orange.You’re totally a cat person, with your knitted sweaters and bookishness. A cat would offer the freedom to be your own pensive self while still giving you the companionship that would make your little cabin more...lively. Now, don’t give me that look, try owning a cat first.

If you got mostly D’s, you should get a turtle or tortoise. An old soul inside a youthful body, you balance on a precarious cliff. Sometimes you’re willing to sacrifice anything for aesthetics, squeezing into too-tight corsets and six-inch boots, while other times you accidentally pull on your brother’s sweatshirt with month-old pizza stains because you can’t be bothered. That’s why you need a constant companion that will accompany you through your mood swings. Their stable presence and peaceful nature reflect your countenance yet contrast your tumultuous thoughts.

If you got mostly E’s, you ought to get a dragon. Because if anyone can somehow force a mythical being into existence, it’d be you with your chaotic life. Walk under a ladder and break a mirror? Check. Steal all the cupcakes from the teacher’s luncheon? Check. Write your history paper in Spanish, spill red paint across your shirt and free all the hamsters at the pet shop? Check, check, and check. Find a dragon and convince it to be your lifetime companion? Check! Mystical and mysterious, they come and go as fast as the sparkly, attention-garnering storms like you—just think of how grand your next entrance could be if you showed up with an actual fire-breathing dragon. The thrill of keeping such a dangerous critter tame would slot neatly in your sugar-high life. 

From a giant, magical, fire-breathing lizard to man’s best friend, it’s hard to choose the purrrfect pet—hopefully this quiz gave you at least a starting point. Well? What are you waiting for? Your furry (or reptilian) companion awaits you!