Love Doc: Real Talk Babes
BY JULIA KUANG '22
Hello, my lovely readers! As I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day, I wish you all a very belated Valentine’s Day (it’s probably like March by the time you’re reading this, who knows?) and if in fact, you spent your Valentine's day alone, never fear! Ask for help, and I shall answer.
Q: What would you say is a “red flag”? My significant other only ever texts or facetimes me at 3 AM- specifically to talk about anime girls, but I don’t know if that’s the last straw in our relationship. I like anime (and anime girls 😚) but I also like sleeping. But I don’t want to just ignore their thoughts and feelings. What should I do?
A: EXCUSE ME? Did I hear you correctly? 3 AM?! Anime girls?! Oh gosh, this is a lot to unpack. But I do think this is a red flag. As fantastic as it is that you two have a common hobby/topic to obsess over, and as much as I respect anime girls, I think 3 AM is a dealbreaker. Especially because you mentioned your love of sleeping, I don’t think it’s fair that you compromise something you enjoy to make your significant other happy. I suggest you try mustering up a little courage (challenging, I know… but hype yourself up beforehand! From my point of view, you honestly sound way too good for this person!), and tell them how you feel. Try to set a more reasonable time for anime girl chats. If they insist on keeping 3 AM, leave them. If they don’t care about how you feel, they don’t care about you at all. ALSO - your significant other “only ever” contacts you at 3 AM? Scratch everything I just said. Just break up. Since they ONLY talk to you at 3 AM about anime chicks….oh my god. I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet they associate YOU with anime girls (of course I don’t want to assume anything about you, but….), and that is very alarming. To me, it seems like you two communicate very little, and you are sacrificing your health in exchange for nothing but sleep deprivation. They don't seem to care about how you feel, nor are they willing to put any effort into it. I’m sorry dude. Man, this is sad.
Q: Recently, I’ve started dating this girl. She has the thiccest, juiciest, most immaculately massive big brain ever. But it’s rough. I mean, not to flex or anything, but I’m fairly big brain myself. I got a 37 on the ACT and have a 6.9 GPA- but the competition between my girlfriend and me gets really heated.
A: Ah. Hm. Ok. Classic big juicy brains 🧠 at AB, amirite? While it’s nice to have some healthy competition drive you to higher achievements, I can only assume it’s gotten pretty toxic since you reached out. So, real talk, I’ll give a little advice about how to turn academic competition from toxic to motivating. Take some time to chat with your girlfriend and put things in perspective. Yes: academic achievement and striving to do your best is good. No: putting yourself on a pedestal and putting down other people for being “worse” than you is not good. It seems you both have mutual respect based on your achievements, so that is a good start. Also, think to yourself: did I date this person because I like them as a person, or because I think their academic or extracurricular achievements are worthy of my admiration? And keep in mind, especially for the long run, that your relationship with each other should matter more than their SAT/ACT score or GPA. Please. These things will literally not matter in like 5 years. And I’m not saying that competition is bad—it can definitely be good for improvement. But keep it healthy. Reevaluate your priorities. Make sure to communicate with your partner if something they say/do hurts your feelings. Your personal happiness matters more than one-upping other people.
Q: I’ve been playing a LOT of online games ever since the pandemic started. I started talking with this guy, but it’s been entirely online. He carries me in Genshin Impact, League, and basically every single multiplayer game we play together. I feel like I’m just leeching off him. Also, sometimes I feel like our relationship (we’re not dating...yet) is completely virtual. We’ve talked on Discord, but I’ve never really met him face-to-face.
A: Well, I don’t think any major red flags are popping out. Like you mentioned, because of the pandemic a lot of relationships are being built online. Given the circumstances, and even outside the pandemic, that is totally fine. But I do understand your concern about not meeting them in-person. In fact, I actually do think you should aim to meet up sometime, socially distanced (if that’s your concern) and outside of playing games. Especially if you are pursuing a legitimate relationship with them and not just gaming with them as a friend. So, I dunno, hit them up with a message and ask them to “hang out”. And regarding the hardcore carrying, don’t worry about it! Take it a different way—this is a GOOD thing. The fact that they’re taking the time to carry you means that they care about your progress and are protecting you from brutally dying in-game. If he’s a hardcore gamer bro, I feel like taking their time off their own grind for you is possibly one of the nicest gestures. Ah, this is so wholesome.
Good talk guys. Email me if you have any questions. Happy love adventures!
Lots of love,
Julia <3
Q: What would you say is a “red flag”? My significant other only ever texts or facetimes me at 3 AM- specifically to talk about anime girls, but I don’t know if that’s the last straw in our relationship. I like anime (and anime girls 😚) but I also like sleeping. But I don’t want to just ignore their thoughts and feelings. What should I do?
A: EXCUSE ME? Did I hear you correctly? 3 AM?! Anime girls?! Oh gosh, this is a lot to unpack. But I do think this is a red flag. As fantastic as it is that you two have a common hobby/topic to obsess over, and as much as I respect anime girls, I think 3 AM is a dealbreaker. Especially because you mentioned your love of sleeping, I don’t think it’s fair that you compromise something you enjoy to make your significant other happy. I suggest you try mustering up a little courage (challenging, I know… but hype yourself up beforehand! From my point of view, you honestly sound way too good for this person!), and tell them how you feel. Try to set a more reasonable time for anime girl chats. If they insist on keeping 3 AM, leave them. If they don’t care about how you feel, they don’t care about you at all. ALSO - your significant other “only ever” contacts you at 3 AM? Scratch everything I just said. Just break up. Since they ONLY talk to you at 3 AM about anime chicks….oh my god. I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet they associate YOU with anime girls (of course I don’t want to assume anything about you, but….), and that is very alarming. To me, it seems like you two communicate very little, and you are sacrificing your health in exchange for nothing but sleep deprivation. They don't seem to care about how you feel, nor are they willing to put any effort into it. I’m sorry dude. Man, this is sad.
Q: Recently, I’ve started dating this girl. She has the thiccest, juiciest, most immaculately massive big brain ever. But it’s rough. I mean, not to flex or anything, but I’m fairly big brain myself. I got a 37 on the ACT and have a 6.9 GPA- but the competition between my girlfriend and me gets really heated.
A: Ah. Hm. Ok. Classic big juicy brains 🧠 at AB, amirite? While it’s nice to have some healthy competition drive you to higher achievements, I can only assume it’s gotten pretty toxic since you reached out. So, real talk, I’ll give a little advice about how to turn academic competition from toxic to motivating. Take some time to chat with your girlfriend and put things in perspective. Yes: academic achievement and striving to do your best is good. No: putting yourself on a pedestal and putting down other people for being “worse” than you is not good. It seems you both have mutual respect based on your achievements, so that is a good start. Also, think to yourself: did I date this person because I like them as a person, or because I think their academic or extracurricular achievements are worthy of my admiration? And keep in mind, especially for the long run, that your relationship with each other should matter more than their SAT/ACT score or GPA. Please. These things will literally not matter in like 5 years. And I’m not saying that competition is bad—it can definitely be good for improvement. But keep it healthy. Reevaluate your priorities. Make sure to communicate with your partner if something they say/do hurts your feelings. Your personal happiness matters more than one-upping other people.
Q: I’ve been playing a LOT of online games ever since the pandemic started. I started talking with this guy, but it’s been entirely online. He carries me in Genshin Impact, League, and basically every single multiplayer game we play together. I feel like I’m just leeching off him. Also, sometimes I feel like our relationship (we’re not dating...yet) is completely virtual. We’ve talked on Discord, but I’ve never really met him face-to-face.
A: Well, I don’t think any major red flags are popping out. Like you mentioned, because of the pandemic a lot of relationships are being built online. Given the circumstances, and even outside the pandemic, that is totally fine. But I do understand your concern about not meeting them in-person. In fact, I actually do think you should aim to meet up sometime, socially distanced (if that’s your concern) and outside of playing games. Especially if you are pursuing a legitimate relationship with them and not just gaming with them as a friend. So, I dunno, hit them up with a message and ask them to “hang out”. And regarding the hardcore carrying, don’t worry about it! Take it a different way—this is a GOOD thing. The fact that they’re taking the time to carry you means that they care about your progress and are protecting you from brutally dying in-game. If he’s a hardcore gamer bro, I feel like taking their time off their own grind for you is possibly one of the nicest gestures. Ah, this is so wholesome.
Good talk guys. Email me if you have any questions. Happy love adventures!
Lots of love,
Julia <3
