Love Nest: Another One!
BY JULIA KUANG '22
Hey guys, it’s Dr. Kuang back at it again with another...dun DUN! Love Nest!! (if you get this reference ily haha) It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written one of these, and it’s honestly such a relief to be writing something that won’t be graded/make me super stressed since the last few weeks/MONTHS have been kinda like a non-stop bulldozer overloading my brain with school. So to all of you stressed out kids out there (I know there’s a lot of you lol), take a chill pill and maYbe reAD the lOve neSt or maybe…..tAlk to yOur cruSh?!?!?!?! jk…..unless?
Q: My bf and I have been dating for all 4 years of high school but now we’re going to different colleges, so we’ll be like 1000 miles apart :( What should I do?
Wow, that’s a tough situation to be in. My advice would be to pull a Lori Loughlin by hacking into your parents’ bank accounts, stealing all their money, credit card information and social security number, then bribing the admissions officers to either get you into your boyfriend’s college or him into yours, kidnap and then sneak him into your college or vice versa, then spend the next 4 years of college regretting your decision to give up the college of your dreams or forcing him to, resulting in the relationship growing increasingly more toxic and forced, eventually ending with the two of you breaking up and being miserable and regretting ever dating in the first place. Or you could just suck it up. In all honesty though, you should probably talk it out to see what works best for the two of you: long distance or a clean breakup. But what would I know, I’m only a sophomore hahahaha.
Q: I think I fell at first sight. I was at Kmart (before it closed rip) and saw a girl doing renegade by herself in the shoe section. The only problem is that I have no hecking clue who she is.
Sounds like a sort of modern Gen-Z fairytale. Love at first renegade, how sweet! Anyways, I’d say the most practical way to go about this would be to make a tiktok—not only so y’all will have something in common, but because of this genius master plan I’ve come up for you: make a tik tok of you doing absolutely nothing but here's the kick, in the colorful text (pink for love) write how you fell in love, and make sure to ask everyone if they know who your crush is by typing “HELP ME FIND HER” in the caption. Don’t forget to put #fyp so you know people will see it! Also, use the song “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo (from High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, 10/10 would recommend) to tie things together nicely. If everything goes as planned, you should go viral and eventually find your crush, join the hype house together, and drop out of AB (doesn’t that sound nice?) to start your stable Tik Tok career. Good luck :)
Q: If I back it up, is it fat enough? When I throw it back, is it fast enough?
If I speed it up, can you handle that?
Q: I’ve been wondering for a while now, what makes YOU qualified to answer these questions? You seem kind of dumb.
Actually, for your information, I am completely qualified, since I do have a doctorate in loveology. Plus, I think about relationships in relation (ahaha get it??) to a football team. You, the readers, are the football players. I am the all-knowing coach. Notice how I don’t have to play, but you guys do ;) best wishes to all of y’all and your future love endeavors! I’ll catch you guys next edition! If anyone even reads this lol this is complete BS, as in complete Believable Stuff!
Wooohooo!!!
Thank you uwu have a fantastic wonderful amazing day!
Julia <3
Q: My bf and I have been dating for all 4 years of high school but now we’re going to different colleges, so we’ll be like 1000 miles apart :( What should I do?
Wow, that’s a tough situation to be in. My advice would be to pull a Lori Loughlin by hacking into your parents’ bank accounts, stealing all their money, credit card information and social security number, then bribing the admissions officers to either get you into your boyfriend’s college or him into yours, kidnap and then sneak him into your college or vice versa, then spend the next 4 years of college regretting your decision to give up the college of your dreams or forcing him to, resulting in the relationship growing increasingly more toxic and forced, eventually ending with the two of you breaking up and being miserable and regretting ever dating in the first place. Or you could just suck it up. In all honesty though, you should probably talk it out to see what works best for the two of you: long distance or a clean breakup. But what would I know, I’m only a sophomore hahahaha.
Q: I think I fell at first sight. I was at Kmart (before it closed rip) and saw a girl doing renegade by herself in the shoe section. The only problem is that I have no hecking clue who she is.
Sounds like a sort of modern Gen-Z fairytale. Love at first renegade, how sweet! Anyways, I’d say the most practical way to go about this would be to make a tiktok—not only so y’all will have something in common, but because of this genius master plan I’ve come up for you: make a tik tok of you doing absolutely nothing but here's the kick, in the colorful text (pink for love) write how you fell in love, and make sure to ask everyone if they know who your crush is by typing “HELP ME FIND HER” in the caption. Don’t forget to put #fyp so you know people will see it! Also, use the song “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo (from High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, 10/10 would recommend) to tie things together nicely. If everything goes as planned, you should go viral and eventually find your crush, join the hype house together, and drop out of AB (doesn’t that sound nice?) to start your stable Tik Tok career. Good luck :)
Q: If I back it up, is it fat enough? When I throw it back, is it fast enough?
If I speed it up, can you handle that?
Q: I’ve been wondering for a while now, what makes YOU qualified to answer these questions? You seem kind of dumb.
Actually, for your information, I am completely qualified, since I do have a doctorate in loveology. Plus, I think about relationships in relation (ahaha get it??) to a football team. You, the readers, are the football players. I am the all-knowing coach. Notice how I don’t have to play, but you guys do ;) best wishes to all of y’all and your future love endeavors! I’ll catch you guys next edition! If anyone even reads this lol this is complete BS, as in complete Believable Stuff!
Wooohooo!!!
Thank you uwu have a fantastic wonderful amazing day!
Julia <3