Male Vulnerability

BY LUCIA SABATELLI '26

“Man up”. 
“Real men don’t cry”.
“Don’t be so soft”.

Traditional gender roles have stigmatized vulnerability in men, limiting an open expression of emotions. Dating as far back to the 16th century, crying is portrayed as a weakness among men, a symbol of fragility, rather than regarded as a natural reaction. Stigma, or shame surrounding vulnerability among boys is harmful because it builds a rigid concept of masculinity. However, to erase the stigma surrounding male vulnerability, the toxic ideals associated with masculinity must be broken by addressing dangerous media content and influencers, and common phrases that enforce stereotypical views of masculinity.

Toxic masculinity is a term directed at the stereotypical portrait of masculinity as emotionally repressive and hostile. Paired with harmful portrayals of mental health as “crazy” or dismissals with phrases such as “so OCD”; for example, one may invalidate depression by suggesting one “goes outside”,  stigmatizing the expression of emotions in the process. Further, American media plays a large role in the glorification of said traits. Evan Woolbright is a graduate of Central Michigan University, focusing now on American media’s role in shaping ideals of masculinity. He notes, “Anger and violence are acceptable emotions for men because history has embedded this idea that it is necessary for growth and progress…and becomes part of the hero archetype. These heroes, which are meant to represent the best of society, thus impact the standards of masculinity in the real world”. Although heroes certainly have positive impacts, one-dimensional figures that promote a “macho” mentality impacts young boys’ perceptions of expressing emotions. Harmful societal pressure and its negative portrayal of masculinity associates toxic behaviors with ‘being a man’ to another generation of impressionable children.

Additionally, social media gives platforms to creators, such as influencer Andrew Tate, branding himself as a self-help guru to male fans. Tate delivers a clear message to his viewers: masculinity is associated with power and wealth, and any sign of weakness lessens your “manhood”. For example, Tate tweeted, “We live in a world now where the whole idea of the roles has been conflated to the fact where if I come along and say women are better with children and men are better at fighting, that I’m somehow… sexist when it’s clearly true”. Another tweet by Tate reads: “Depression as it’s diagnosed doesn’t exist. Now come back and call me names and defend your safety crutch with all you have. Or accept facts and change your life”, completely diminishing the struggles of those suffering from a real mental health disorder. Tate’s large influence over 8.5 million followers on X (previously Twitter) and his explicitly misogynistic, harmful content has proliferated. Young, male, users are far more susceptible to believing and internalizing his content, continuing a cycle of stigma. Further, studies in 2021 showed that only around 12% of males in the U.S. seeked counseling for mental health issues. Ultimately, toxic masculinity in the media has allowed harmful associations amongst males and the repression of emotions to surge.

In order to break the gender roles perpetuated by society, it is vital to unpack “harmless” phrases that are far too present in people’s vocabulary. To begin, the phrase “real men don’t cry” perpetuates a harmful (and false) image of a “man”, beginning at a young age. It builds an emotional barrier, and creates a cycle of repressing emotions that transcends youth and affects adulthood and social interactions. Additionally, stigma laced in daily phrases creates an impact on those identifying as female. For example, the phrase “like a girl” has been laced with harmful connotations, assigning girls as weak or emotional - assuming that men should act the polar opposite and assume the role as a protector. It is key to acknowledge that these “harmless” phrases mold society. To combat the stigma surrounding emotions, positive portrayals of male vulnerability in the media are required. For example, Ted Lasso displays the main character as the leader of an elite football club, who struggles with anxiety. Rather than masking his mental health, Ted speaks out on his journey, breaking the cycle of repression.

Fortunately, the acceptance of mental health issues has been steadily on the rise, breaking down toxic barriers. It is vital to address harmful portrayals of masculinity both in the media and daily vocabulary to promote emotional availability.