Spirit Animals, Get Mashed: What is Your Spirit Potato?
BY GRACE CHAI '23
Sweet potatoes, savory potatoes. Creamy potatoes, starchy potatoes. Las papas, spuds, lovable bundles of joy—wait, does that apply to babies or potatoes? Anyways, as a seasoned potato expert qualified by the Potatology Board (are you proud of me, Mom?), I’ve decided that it is my duty to study potatoes on a deeper level. So, step aside, spirit animals; spirit potatoes are far superior. Potato fans, here’s a fresh take on The Spectrum’s classic question: which of these four spuds represents you?
The Royals: Purple Potatoes
Rich in fiber and violet hue, these beauties give off an aura of royalty, characterized by their “nutty” and fluffy texture. Think a combination of a potato’s starchiness, or firmness, and a yam’s sweetness. With names like “Purple Majesty” and “Purple Passion,” it’s no wonder that people are enchanted with these potatoes and their high antioxidant levels!
They’re also very versatile: when researching for this article, I found this picture of purple mashed potatoes, and let me just say, it was a pivotal moment in my life (mmm, the only thing better than potatoes are yummy words). To set the scene, a piece of melted butter glistens like the sun in a galaxy of lavender potato goodness, with bits of salt and pepper stardust gracing the majestic image. Ugh. Gorgeous.
The Angels: Sweet Potatoes
I am of the opinion that sweet potatoes are potatoes. In the past, people have challenged my stance and earned a hard, cold stare in return. If that’s you, hi. I still haven’t changed my mind. According to CookThink, a cooking website, sweet potatoes are soft, sweet, and have a higher nutrition value than yams, another drier, firmer type of potato. Speechless now, huh, sweet potato foes?
Sweet potatoes are like the angels of the potato kingdom; they’ve done nothing to offend anyone, and they’re so, so tasty. That goes to show that if you want to vent your anger on something, make sure that you’re educated about it first. Learned something new today? Hmm, I should think so.
The Trendy: Spiral Potatoes
These tubers defy the status quo; they’re trailblazers in a world that lavishes attention on mashed potatoes and french fries. With their ruffled edges and confetti of cilantro and feta, they radiate originality. But besides just being amazing, spiral potatoes remind us daily that we shouldn’t have to conform to society’s ideas of beauty: why be a boring old mashed or cubed potato when you can push modern couture to the limits with a dazzling spiral pattern?
The Questionable: Fingerling Potatoes
No list is complete without an outlier... I wasn’t aware that these existed until five seconds ago, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about them. On one hand, they look finger-licking delicious (haha, get it? Finger-ling, Finger-licking? Okay, I’ll stop), but their uncooked form is a little...disturbing. These guys bear an uncanny resemblance to a human appendage, and well, roasting them and eating them? *Cough* Cannibalism *Cough* I will never understand the ways of potato naming. While editing this article, even The Spectrum’s editors couldn’t agree on their status, so I’m going to label them as ~questionable~.
Well, I hope that today’s ~nutritious~ article filled your heart with overflowing love for these starchy tubers! If it didn’t, well, you’re clearly lacking the spirit of a true potato connoisseur.