Unwrapping Your Spotify Wrapped
BY EMILY XU '23
With the end of the year comes the much-anticipated Spotify Wrapped. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, Spotify collects listening data from January 1 to mid-November and compiles it into a package that summarizes all of your listening habits from that year. Other streaming platforms are starting to pick this program up, too. If you’re an Apple Music user (why? I’ll never understand), there’s an “Apple Music Replay” which functions similarly. As a longtime Spotify user myself, I’m a self-proclaimed Wrapped connoisseur—that is, one look at your listening history gives me all the insight needed to analyze you. Let’s jump in!
Taylor Swift: Swifties aren’t a homogenous group; their favorite albums and eras say more about them than a shared top artist. At best, you’re a folklore, evermore, or Lover fan, meaning you’re really attractive, know how to dress well, and have your life together. Your love language is gift giving or acts of service. On the other end of the spectrum, you’re a Red, Speak Now, or Fearless fan, and you spend a lot of time dwelling on the past. You still remember the time your crush made eye contact with you across the gym at the seventh-grade dance, and you’ll never let that go. As a whole, though, if your most-streamed artist is Taylor, you hate Jake Gyllenhaal. This is a fact that transcends Swiftie subunits.
Phoebe Bridgers, Mitski: Are you OK? Do you need a hug? Let’s talk. Listening to Phoebe at 3:18 a.m. is not good for your mental wellbeing, and neither is listening to Mitski when you’re on a downward spiral. Your tear ducts are begging you to listen to some peppy music (perhaps “CAN’T STOP THE FEELING!” by Justin Timberlake?), and you’re emotionally dependent on a stuffed animal.
88rising: You have really strong opinions on the best chain boba establishment. If you think it’s Gong Cha, you’re right. If you think it’s Kung Fu Tea, you’re new to boba, because no seasoned boba expert prefers KFT. If you don’t drink chain stores’ boba because its flavors are “too boring,” you’re new to the area. Welcome to the boba desert.
Conan Gray, Olivia Rodrigo: Dancing in your room! Alone! Crying in your room! Alone! You do it all…Alone! Putting either of their albums on shuffle gives you whiplash; one minute you’re jamming to “good 4 u” and “Wish You Were Sober,” and the next minute you’re crying to “hope ur ok” and “Heather.” You don’t have much luck in the romance department, and, like Conan, it’s common knowledge that you haven’t had your first kiss yet.
One Direction: It’s been five years. They’re not getting back together. You often daydream about the past, and your inability to move on indicates a fear of change. Directioners already had to deal with the heartbreak of Zayn leaving the band, so you find it hard to put your trust in anyone or anything.
Harry Styles: An evolved Directioner. You’re a proud owner of at least one flared-leg pant. Your screen time on Instagram is embarrassingly high, but, to be fair, those “TPWK <3” highlights aren’t going to update themselves.
Drake, Kanye West: I’m surprised that you could find any good songs out of their discography and like it enough for either one of them to become your top artist. You think that your taste in music is better than everyone else’s.
Lo-fi: You’re studious and probably have a pencil pouch dedicated to your 40 uniquely colored Muji pens that you spent too much money on. Possibly an iPad Pro owner. Definitely into journaling and/or making your notes pretty. Bonus points if you listen to lo-fi covers of popular songs.
K-pop: Let’s be friends! You care a lot about how others perceive you, so you appear to have your life together: well-curated outfits, a well-curated Pinterest feed, and a well-curated lifestyle. On the inside, though, you’re struggling. This comes with basing your happiness off of a group of strangers who live over six thousand miles away.
BTS: You would sell an arm and a leg to attend one of their concerts. Me too.
Music is ever-changing and so are our tastes! You know what isn’t ever-changing? My Wrapped judgments. Come back next year to re-evaluate yourself based on your 2022 Wrapped!