Love Doc: Valentine's Day Edition

BY ALICIA GU '23

Welcome back readers! I hope you’re all having a dandy, festive, and NOT seasonal-affective-disorder-ridden winter. However, if you’re feeling blue from the endless drone of school or the premature, nap-inducing darkness outside, I’m here to help! As a very professional love professional, I’m prescribing you with a new crush/relationship/situationship that will warm up your dreary life--just in time for Valentine’s Day! Here are some tips to help you prepare for the big day:

What is rizz and how do I get it? HELP!

The Rizzler. Rizzy neutron. The Rizzard of Oz. What do they have in common? Rizz. While the word has become overused and slightly cringy, understanding ‘rizz’ is a fundamental step in the journey to true love. The most authentic form of rizz is the unspoken rizz, which is, in essence, having so much charisma that no flirtatious words need to be spoken. This is the method of rizzing that I advise most patients adhere to; be so confident that people will look at you and immediately fall head over heels for your natural charm. So, whether you’re flexing your Clash Royale skills, or showing off your ability to name Taylor Swift songs after playing the first second, have confidence--even when you shouldn’t!

What should I get my partner for Valentine’s Day?

The optimal Valentine’s Day gift will obviously vary from person to person; however, throughout my years of certified research, I have devised a list of gifts that have a 100% success rate.

1. A life-sized chocolate statue of your partner. Make it as realistic as possible!
   
2. A thoughtful scrapbook. Some parts should be cute and others should be borderline stalker-ish (to show that you notice even the small things.)
   
3. A self-composed love song that includes a poetic rap verse and choreography. It’s up to you whether you perform it live, but poor performances can risk giving your partner ‘the ick.’
   

Ultimately, the most important gift that you can give your partner is yourself. By that I mean you should work on being a better partner… some of y’all need to step it up. It's 2023 people!

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I’m alone on Valentine’s Day this year. How do I stop wallowing in my single-ness?

Who said you need a relationship to feel fulfilled? I mean, besides me, but I’m running a business here folks. Invite your single friends over and watch some crappy romance movies (I recommend 500 Days of Summer) while eating discounted chocolate. Or, you can put the LOL in ‘lonely’ and watch a comedy show by yourself; there’s no shame in being content and independent. Or, just go about your day and forget that it’s even anything special; but whatever you do, don’t let those PDA-obsessed couples get you down. Valentine’s Day is probably a business scheme orchestrated by Nestle anyways. 

Well, there you have it folks: a short guide on how to survive Valentine’s Day. Good luck in your romantic endeavors and I’ll see you in the spring!

Dr. Gu

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